Joining the Fight Against Exploitation: A Case Study
Born in Montana and raised in Washington State, I married my high school sweetheart, and some fifty years later, we have two daughters and one son and are grandparents to four granddaughters and one grandson. I built a career as an architect and entrepreneur and I would categorize myself as a typical baby boomer man.
My life has been similar to that of many other men… I lived my life trying to do the right things but without much male support as I moved from early adulthood through the decades. Looking back on my life, I would say I largely kept my head down while trying to make a living and provide for my family. While I am proud of my life and my accomplishments, I would say that for many years, I did not have much time or capacity to focus on things beyond my immediate circle of influence.
Fast forward to 2018, when a friend of mine asked if we could meet so he could share about some work he was doing in the anti-sex trafficking movement. That friend was Tom Perez. He had founded the Epik Project to disrupt the demand side of sex trafficking, something I knew next to nothing about. Based on my entrepreneurial experience, Tom asked me to look over the work being done to help out with some mission clarification as Epik Project was preparing to expand.
Our initial meeting was focused on the Core Beliefs, Values, and Tom’s Vision of reaching more men with the mission to disrupt the demand for commercial sexual exploitation. While I was happy to help a friend with a few strategic planning tools I had used over the years, I was more impressed by Tom’s heart for helping those who had been trafficked and his commitment to spending his energy and time to figuring out how to address a terrible injustice caused by males.
After a few meetings, our conversations turned deeper into Epik’s work and the realities of human trafficking in the United States. Those conversations led Tom to invite me to consider joining the Epik Project Board of Directors.
How did I react? While I was honored, I can still remember the guttural response of “No!”.
I wasn’t sure if I could stomach more knowledge of the evil underbelly of sex trafficking. It is an admittedly ugly and horrific crime and I did not think I was up for the task. But instead of saying no, I replied, “Let me talk this over with Kathy, my wife”, hoping this would give me time to come up with an excuse to decline.
However, over the next few weeks and after conferring with Kathy, I surprised myself by deciding to truly contemplate Tom’s request. I respected Tom and I believed in the work Epik Project was doing. What could it hurt to consider joining the board?
Like most men, I have had times in my life when I was faced with a very important decision and I have almost jokingly acknowledged the good angel and the bad angel on my shoulders. As I wrestled with getting involved with Epik Project, I returned to that allegory.
Good Angel vs. Bad Angel: A conversation
My Bad Angel was telling me, I could never make a difference in such a huge problem. That was followed by an accusation, “Who do you think you are?” and more hurtful, “As a young man, you have chosen to dabble around the edges of pornography.” My Bad Angel was telling me I was a hypocrite and unqualified to step into this movement.
My Good Angel, on the other hand, gave me a sense of how we are all made in the image of our Creator and have our Creator’s DNA in each one of us. There was an affirmation of fidelity in my marriage that reminded me that I had strength of conviction. My Good Angel also presented positive thoughts about my two daughters and, four granddaughters, and one grandson. This could be an opportunity to do something positive in their names.
My Good Angel was also inviting me to reminisce on my time in West Africa working with a small African Organization, securing the freedom of two trafficked young women out of the life of prostitution several years prior. That opportunity had given me some experience in making a difference for at least two young women. I remember how positively affecting those two lives meant so much to me.
My Bad Angel didn’t care about that. It came back with the argument, “So you helped these two young women, so what? It really didn’t cost you that much and you kept yourself at arm’s length. You certainly don’t belong in this fight!
My Good Angel then surprised me by stirring in me a deep sense of agitation at the injustices and abuses that men in power have over vulnerable people. This sensation grew stronger the more I thought about it. I could feel the Good Angel growing its wings…
But still… I asked what should I do.
A Process to Create a Future I Hope To Live In.
In my entrepreneurial roles, I have often worked towards a strategy to move people and organizations into a preferred future. I have done so by utilizing an exercise that involves envisioning that future. I decided to use the same method that I use to propel businesses forward to help me decide whether or not to join the Epik Project board of directors.
Finally, the Shoulder Angels stopped wrestling long enough for me to have a third conversation with myself. I began to ask myself questions about what kind of future I wanted to see, but I also knew that I had to ponder questions that went well beyond me and my lifetime. I decided to consider my legacy as well, not just my fear. So, I asked myself two simple questions:
What kind of a world do I want my grandchildren to grow up in? What kind of a legacy do I want to leave for all my grandchildren?
I want my grandchildren to be treated as valuable creations, where the fear of ever being sexually exploited for sex does not exist. I want a future where my grandchildren have a healthy, love-filled perspective on the gift of sexuality. I want a future where my grandson has the tools to stand alongside my granddaughters, valuing others for who they are.
I want my grandchildren to know that I was a man who believed in the equality of women and men. I want my grandchildren to know that their grandfather did not sit by as evil grew in the sex trafficking industry. I want my grandchildren to know that their grandfather helped the next generations of young women and men grow toward healthy, loving friendships and relationships. I want my grandchildren to know that their grandfather stepped forward when faced with the statement; “all that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.”
Joining the Board of Directors for Epik Project was not an easy decision, but it certainly was an important one. With the help of a couple of key questions, the Good Angel won! I cast aside my doubts and called Tom and I told him that joining Epik Project in the fight against exploitation was very important to me and I would be honored to join.
Are you interested in joining the fight against exploitation? I’d like to encourage you to check in with your angels and perhaps create your questions to discover that you too, can have a positive impact on people who are in the trenches doing good! I am just a regular guy, and if I can do it, you can too!
Please consider joining in with the Epik Project. Each of us can bring something good into the lives of those affected by sex trafficking.
